Dreams are very strange and wonderful aspects of life. I heard once that dreams help us to work out details and complications that we can't seem to deal with while we're awake. I believe that the statement isn't far from the truth.

Lately my dreams have been compensating for that which is missing in my life. Take last night for example (or early this morning as you'll have it.) I had a dream that I was back at college. It seemed as though I was returning from living in New York. I remember seeing Dr. Adams from across campus, and being thrilled to death to be back. I was in charge of his office again, and playing in the band. Thoughts of him as of late may have spurred his appearance, but that's besides the point.

Later in the dream, I was at some sort of music competition. I remember specifically that I was to play a piece called "Allegro" although I know not by whom. I had a clear feeling of worry and dread because although I knew the piece, I hadn't practiced it in several weeks, and had never practiced with the pianist.

My best friend from high school was also in the dream. Although he was out of place chronologically, he was there to listen to my piece at the competition. Next to my mother, he was my number one fan in high school. We acted as though we were siblings, and he always made me smile.

So, from this I have deduced that I need to regain the level of safety and stability that my musical background and friendship gave me not so long ago. There was a wonderful comfort in the environment in my dream. I found a real sense of belonging.

When I think about it, truthfully, the only place I ever really seemed to belong was at college. Even then I only had two or three friends (who were also saxophone players). The circumstances actually forced us to be friends, for we were grouped together in every task at school, be it quartet, practice time, band, jazz band, pep band, classes, you name it, we did it together. As for the friend from high school, he and I grew up together. Sure, we got on each others nerves often, but we had common bonds and goals, and that was safe and encouraging.

I've always done things on my own, which gets very lonely, and have had difficulty making friends quickly. Look at tonight for instance, sitting here writing as opposed to being out with a loved one, or even in the presence of a friend. I have no friends here, none of my own at any rate. The friends I have are mutual friends who treat me like a kid sister, as opposed to a friend. I don't regret that in the least, but I yearn for something more. I need to be me, in a place where being me is acceptable. No one to impress, unconditional love, where my worrying won't go unnoticed or uncared for by those I love. I wonder if there's a Cheers around here?


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